a random one

things that make me happy:

sunny days
kids with their parents on the subway, having a good time
a stranger helping out a stranger
lunch outside (kinda goes along with sunny days)
hearing an old fusion song on my ipod or pandora or anywhere
hearing an old fr3sh song on my ipod or pandora or anywhere
when the gf sends me email at work
5 dollar footlongs
when the yankees win
eating dinner with the fam
long weekends with old friends

things that make me sad:

seeing homeless people and not being able to help
not seeing my family
hearing an old fusion song on my ipod or pandora or anywhere
hearing an old fr3sh song on my ipod or pandora or anywhere
being really thirsty in bed but too tired to move
realising that i shouldnt have opened a tab the next morning

so this was totally random i dont know why i felt compelled to blog about this. i suppose a quick convo with laura that went a lil something like this, "i think i might blog again" made me blog tonight lol.

anyhoo, i believe tomorrow is our six year anniversary or something.... we're not really sure when it started but around this time. also happens to be my older brother's birthday. in case you havent heard from me, or him, in a while, he's got the most beautiful daughter ever yo!

okay, i think anyone that is reading this should add to the two lists above; it'll be great so do it! and add them here - http://timsalterego.blogspot.com/ - not on facebook b/c i never go on it anymore thanks =)

peace!

i've spent my whole life trying to get the attention of people around me with sporadic success by almost ALWAYS doing things for them. i've done some pretty crazy things just to make the people around me (from this point forward i'll use peoples b/c i feel like i'll use it a lot) happy. i never really thought about why i did it. i just thought i was supposed to do it. and the shitty thing is, generally speaking, that a lot of times it was for nothing in that not only did i not receive the attention i wanted, but instead received criticism and disappointment from peoples.

on many levels, i've given up on this endeavor and even worse is that i'll continue to receive criticism and disappointment from peoples with words like abandonment, wrongdoings, unfairness, mean, etc.

recently i've become utterly numb, unaffected by things that used to take a serious toll on my mental health. still, it's just all very unfair. all i've ever wanted to do was making peoples happy. just wanted to make them proud. make their lives more enjoyable. obviously i'm not that numb.

sorry for disappointing you all and somehow offending you.

--

and the last thing i want now is any attention at all.